Friday, December 08, 2006

The Positive Side of Conflicts?

There is a deep connection between Change, Growth and Conflict:
  • We will never know what we can do without Challenge and Opposition.
  • We will not develop new skills if necessity does not force us to do so.

In short without conflict, we will never grow.

In the following case where is the opportunity for positive conflict resolution and true growth?

What would you do:

Six months ago your 26 year old son’s fiancĂ©e, Anne, also 26, was newly employed in your city and looking for an apartment. Since you had a guest bedroom, you invited her to live in your home so the couple whose wedding is a year away can save some money. Being a very religious family with strict moral values you discover you are now facing the biggest dilemma of your life when your son informs you that his fiancĂ© is expecting their child. Your husband is completely outraged and screams at you because you invited Ann to live in your home and created an environment which made the pregnancy possible! He adds that this is the worst thing that has ever happened to him and how can he face his friends now.

How can family members in this battle recover face?

What kind of scenario would help them transition into the new reality:
  • They are becoming grandparents;
  • The son should be becoming independent.
Actually, they are an older couple that should be empty-nesting by now, the son is a grown up man that should get married and have his own family. This pregnancy is forcing everybody to look at reality.

When you engage others in positive conflict, you are telling them that he/she is important enough for you to invest some energy in improving the relationship, by challenging the sore points in it.

If we look at “accidental pregnancies” like this event, they happen because they are necessary to break up the spell that the family is under. Suppose that each one of the players could own his/her own part of the problem, what could it be?

SON: “Mom and dad: we have living together for years, as if I were not a grown up man. My solution is to get married tomorrow, and get our own place.

MOTHER: We need to recognize that our son is an adult capable of his own decisions, and if they got pregnant, it is a message for us to let them live their own life.

FATHER: I’m disappointed, but I recognize that you two are adults that need to plan your life according to what you believe.

You are making others a big compliment by having a positive conflict with them!
Conflict is positive when it:

  • Results in clarification of important problems and issues.
  • Results in solutions to individual or common problems.
  • Involves people in resolving issues important to them.
  • Causes deep, authentic communication
  • Helps in working through emotion, anxiety, and stress.
  • Builds cooperation among people through learning the reciprocal limits about each other.
  • Helps individuals develop understanding of other's positions and interpersonal skills.
  • Provides recognition of each Other's humanity.
So, you need to learn how to do conflict in a positive way, RIGHT?

You can start learning right now how to sustain positive confrontations, reading and working the many tactics that the e-book “POSITIVE CONFLICTS” offers to you.
You can download it here and be reading it in just a few minutes.

You can live without fear of conflict through the good ideas, suggestions and techniques included in the Conflict Mastery Program offered by

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