Sunday, December 09, 2007

"I suffer from passive aggression"

Hi there, I suffer from passive aggression!

Well, I've just recently learned that I suffer from passive aggressive personality disorder. What a shock to the system, I tell ya. To suddenly find out that everything you've been doing your whole life has been a lie, 'cause you've been lying to yourself as much as you've been lying to hard!

I have a partner, Deidre, who has her own share of emotional issues relating back to her childhood. I used to think that I was the strong one in our partnership, that I was her 'rock'.

But now I find out I've still got a huge amount of personal issues to deal with myself; issues which I didn't even know I had, and yet have been with me since childhood.
In my research on the internet to find out all I can about this disorder, I found that it's only a disorder when it negatively and adversely affects your life, career and relationships, as well as including a lot of depression.

Well, I didn't have a lot of depression, but I certainly had a lot of negative effects on my life, and in the life of others.....and it's time to deal with it.
So, what can I do? go to a therapist? walk around with a tag that says: "Hi, I'm PA. Can you help?" Blame my mother? None of the above?
It's difficult, because it implies that I need feedback from my partner, and she has to tell me which ones of my behaviors are PA....which I kind of know, because I guess that every time I do a PA move, we end up in a good fight.
And you know what? everytime we have a fight, it's good for me! because different reasons, I like when we fight: we are together; she is so upset that perhaps she will miss work only to fight with me! (that makes me important, she prefers me) and we will have lots of interactions...and if I manage to appear kinda sorry, she will forgive me and we will have wonderful makeup sex. All is sooo positive, that, coming to think about it, it's better not to change,

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