Thursday, March 12, 2009

Defend Yourself Against Your Partner's Passive Aggressive Behaviors!

Perhaps you don't have a name for this behavior, but are anyhow upset and saddened by this lack of cooperation from your hubby. 

When you expect that both are going to share in the best cooperative style the household chores, you find yourself doing 90% of them...and receiving a bunch of well crafted excuses from him. This behavior of consenting on doing a share of what needs to be done, and then "forgetting to do it" has a name.

It is called passive-aggressive behavior.

Here is a definition:

Passive-aggression is a pattern of behavior in which someone expresses their negative feelings or resentment indirectly, rather than directly expressing their anger or frustration. 

It has some characteristics worth knowing, if you are in the receiving end.  In a couple, passive-aggression can manifest in a variety of ways. Some common examples include:

  1. Sarcasm: Making sarcastic or cutting comments in order to convey frustration or anger.

  2. Procrastination: Deliberately dragging their feet or not following through on tasks or requests in order to express resentment or anger.
  3. "Forgetting" on purpose to do an errand you are counting on; 
  4. Failing to do his share of the house chores; or doing sub-standard work on purpose so you need to take over and finish the task; 
  5. Having a constant critical, negative and non constructive attitude towards planning your life together; 
  6. Mentioning and criticizing your faults (behind your back) to your parents or friends while maintaining a "sweet face" toward you. 

 Getting to know the different "faces" of his passive-aggression is necessary for your protection...

Perhaps you are focusing on this part of the definition: "Express negative feelings"?  If this is the point, you could gather your courage and ask about the precise point of marriage he is angry about....This is a very brave question, and it is possible you don't feel like hearing his complains about married life...It can be very hurtful!

Just in case, if you feel the need to know about his hidden anger because it will help you to protect yourself, then allow yourself to read this article:

Top 5 Indicators of Passive Aggressive

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