Monday, July 20, 2009
Passive Aggresive Shields Against Emotions
Are you confused because your partner keeps saying that he loves you, but disappears in a cloud of technological devices? Welcome to the multiple ways in which a passive aggressive husband will block communication with you if he feels that you are pressing him into an emotional conversation he wants no part in.
Technology is helping to disconnect people from their strong feelings, and doing so eliminates passion and fire from interpersonal conflicts.
In this way, if conflict is a learning opportunity because it teaches us to negotiate our wants and needs with others, technology is allowing the passive aggressive ways of blocking this learning by hiding from active confrontation.
Do you want to know more?
LET"S REVIEW HOW MANY WAYS HE CAN BE AVOIDING TO SHOW EMOTIONS BY HIDING BELOW TECHNOLOGY:
1) You both have had a disagreement, and he leaves for his office. When you try to call him in his cell and continue the conversation, he doesn't answer calls.
2) You could leave him a message, but he is not picking up his messages.
3) Well, let's say that you decide to send him a message....no answer.
4) If you are getting a bit frantic, why not to try an email? same silence
5) What about login into his chat?
6) When he gets back, he is perfectly tuned into his ipod, even inside the house.
7) You need to talk, so you are at this point getting crazy...and get accused of "being too emotional," "losing control" and "unable to think in a logical way."
8) When you finally confront him, he is in control, peaceful and calm, and you are a total wreck. It gets so confusing that you could even blame yourself for being so demanding!
The truth is that technology provides an elegant, ubiquitous shield to protect a person with passive aggressive tendencies from excessive emotion...you are left out, holding the bag and wondering about the future of a relationship that leaves you in this perfect isolation.