Monday, September 28, 2009
Is Your Passive Aggressive Spouse Sabotaging You?
A spouse that demonstrates passive aggressive behavior will always show hostility to his mate in an underhanded way. Some examples include procrastination, deliberate forgetfulness, making you feel like you are the problem in an otherwise "happy relationship," and lastly, hidden efforts at sabotaging her projects..
Two examples of sabotage from a passive aggressive spouse are the husband that secretly destroys his wife’s diet, and the husband that systematically comes home so late to watch the kids, that his wife is unable to go anywhere else she wants to.
Julie has been working hard to shed the weight she had gained after having a daughter last year. She cut out junk food and sweets from her diet and began working out twice a week. Her husband, Mike, feels threatened by Julie’s determination to look better, and begins bringing home chips and candy for snacks. He knows that Julie loves chocolate, and encourages her to have dessert after dinner. He does this all in a seemingly nice way, telling her that she deserves a break from her diet. While it may seem thoughtful of Mike, he is really blocking her efforts to lose weight.
Carol attends craft club meetings once a week after work. Her neighbor usually watches her son while she’s gone, but this week her neighbor is sick and unable to babysit. So Carol asks her husband John to be home by 6:00 so she can make it to her meeting on time. Carol gets ready for her meeting and patiently waits for John’s return home. It’s 6:00 and John is not home. He comes home an hour later and Carol misses her club meeting.
Why does John do this? He is a passive aggressive spouse who felt jealous that Carol was making new friends in her club. He purposely comes home late in order to sabotage Carol’s efforts to go to her meeting. What he really fears is her becoming a bit more independent from the home, the kids and her wifely duties...
He needs to present his intentions in the best possible way, so he also gives her an excuse saying that he needed to help out a friend at work and couldn’t possibly get home in time. That way, he is the victim and she can’t be mad at him.
When a passive aggressive spouse feels threatened with the inevitable changes that life brings to each one of us, he often will find ways to secretly sabotage his mate's personal development. He doesn't want to change, and he intends to block his spouse from developing herself...
This is a very self-defeating position in a marriage, which is a relationship based on both sides' commitment to help the other grow up and become the person he/she needs to become.