Friday, November 20, 2009
Living With a Passive Aggressive Husband
Is your husband passive aggressive? The funny thing about a passive aggressive husband is that they don’t really act in an an angry manner, but they act out in different ways. While an aggressive husband may take out their anger by yelling or even hitting, the passive aggressive husband attacks his wife in an underhanded, indiret way.
A passive aggressive husband is angry, but instead of expressing his anger directly, he rebels in a more subtle way. Examples of this are constantly “forgetting” to pick up something at the store for you, secretly sabotaging your efforts, unreliability, and fault finding.
Passive aggressive husbands will seldom settle disagreements with their wives, leaving the wife feeling frustrated and empty. Because of this the wife often avoids conflict with him, since nothing is ever settled anyway. It is important to pick your fights wisely, however, shying away from confrontation, will only make things worse. Identify which behaviors bother you the most, and speak to him about it.
Sit down with your husband and try setting some agreements with him. Remember, this is not a time to argue. If he starts getting upset, take some time to cool off before starting the conversation again. A passive aggressive husband almost never makes a decision on his own. They want you to be the decision maker so if anything goes wrong, you are to blame. Perhaps you can encourage your husband to make more decisions on his own, by letting him know that you made your own decision and his decision will not change yours. This projects an image of you being able to do your life without being paralyzed by his inaction, but it has some costs.
The passive aggressive husband always will portray himself as the victim of your actions and decisions. The reason for this is because he wants people to feel sorry for him. He most likely has low self esteem himself, which is why he takes so much out on you. To stop this behavior, repeat that whatever he is doing, its his own decision and not yours. You preserve the right to decide on your own life; so you are ready to do things on your own. Speak this position to him in a calm, matter of fact way and see the impact on him. He can stay home and sulk or be resentful, but you will begin to do the things you like.
In a marriage you always have a choice. Changing a passive aggressive husband is a difficult project where you have more to lose if you get too emotionally involved with him even if this mean that you need to reevaluate your feelings for him.