Monday, April 12, 2010
How happy can you be in a PA marriage?
Here is the crux of the matter:
Someone is asking the real question about this kind of relationship:
" Show me the success stories. I never hear about a marriage that actually overcame this PA thing."
In the blog "www.creativeconflicts.com" we offer a neat free ebook, called Healthy Marriage, where we present a definition of marriage as an agreement to evolve simultaneously. In other words, as humans are in this life to develop and mature, both parts of a couple are together to help each other do this process...
What happens when one of them is stuck in a stage from the past, and continues looking at life with the eyes of a six years old child?
You have a situation where one of the sides of the couple would be learning from life's lessons and the other would be left behind. And the sad part of it is that nobody can do your own development...we need to do our own growing up by living, examining life, thinking, suffering, understanding, etc.
Along the years, even if you are extremely patient, life will not be seen from the same lenses by both; one will be learning, processing, trying new behaviors and the other will be still throwing temper tantrums.
In short, doing PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS is a self-sabotaging choice. It doesn't allow the necessary adapting and learning, and drives a wedge between the couple.
Overcoming PA is a challenge, and only the person with this kind of attitude can do the necessary changes to develop and learn in life. His partner can be there, and support and encourage as long as there are indications of sincere wish to change.
Otherwise, happiness in a marriage is opposite to the amount of passive aggressive behaviors: the less PA you display, the happier everybody is. And shared development happens...