Thursday, May 24, 2012

Do people with passive aggression have a different language?

In a forum posting, someone by the name of

"Too Lonely and Dejected," wrote:

It is very difficult to talk to a PA and really get through. I have been married for over 35+ years to Jim, and I do not believe that I have EVER gotten through to him. He has a special shield that makes him always distant, protected from emotions and unable to show a cent of empathy towards me, the silly girl who has been with him for 35 years.

I'm no stupid, know what I want to say, don't get irritated or cry or do annoying things...I only offer him to have a grown up, calm, serious conversation, but he is never wrong, and he never apologizes for anything!

He always brings in other issues that have nothing to do with what we are talking about. He always blames me.

He can not see when I am hurt: He refuses to see it, if I point it out and will leave the room telling me that I am senseless and pout rather than continue talking. 

Is this because he really does not understand? Or is for him a choice to use language to distance from me? 

He has always a skilled response that kicks me out and under: If I take offense on the things he says, he blames me saying that I took what he said wrong or that I do not understand. 

I have spent a lifetime doubting myself, accommodating and believing his excuses and trying to think like him, but then I am the only one trying. If I go to counseling by myself, he claims that the counselor just had a convenient one sided view of our lives. If he goes with me, he does not like the counselor or he has a great time exerting his power by controlling the conversation and proving to himself that he is right and that I am senseless. 

He is not going to change his behaviors or way of thinking because he is comfortable and it has worked for him for 35+ years. I am the one with the problem because I can not continue like this.

If he is unable to understand me, my ideas and my feelings...what is he doing in my life?

Thanks for listening,

Too Lonely and Dejected

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