What are the roots of passive aggressive behavior?
Doing some research, focusing on the deep psychology of passive aggression...is the same thing as looking for a deep, hidden wound, usually happened in the past. In the most damaging of cases, having experienced childhood abuse or molestation produces "Wounded Inner Children," that are forgotten for years on.
Men behaving from this wounded state of mind and heart usually really don't understand what is required of them to function as grown up men do. It doesn't matter the amount of begging, cajoling and threatening you can do, out of your loneliness, nothing motivates them to step up.
It is even worst, because as more claims and demands rain on his head, the less he delivers; hiding more and more in the corner of his mind where this scared and wounded child lives for ever.
He is now a cornered child, unable to act as his age demands: failing at marriage and work, making bad financial decisions....because the part of his brain in charge of rational decision making is not working, he can't see the consequences his decisions have. Of course, now, he can't have either real empathy or provide support for others...
Whatever abusive experience happened to him, he probably either doesn't remember (denial taking over and relegating the issue to his unconscious mind) or he can't bring consciously that experience to his present mindset and decide what to do with it. Ignorant of what is making him aloof, detached and suspicious of all intimacy, his way of connecting is flat and devoid of any emotional vibration but fear.
The sexual molestation or abuse experience has shaped his mindset into one of mistrust and reactive defense against intimacy and trusting any other person in his life. He can act as if he is connected, but always scanning the environment for threats, enemies and invaders of his fragile self.
All this explanation is not enough for his partner, always searching for a magical solution which could open up his heart and allow him to connect.....I'm sorry to say that there is only deep, long therapy as a solution.
To start the process here are some ideal suggestions:
- Acknowledge his difficulty at behaving like an adult;
- See the depth of frustration of people around him;
- Work on remember his own trauma pain, and accept it.
His "Wounded Inner Child" needs to be acknowledged, and helped at last.
Dr. Nora is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. Sign up for free, here on her blog, to be connected to her innovative conflict solutions, positive suggestions and life-changing coaching sessions, along with blog updates, news, and more! We can begin by you having a complimentary consultation with Dr. Nora. Visit her coaching site today to get expert relationship coaching and receive a plan for action to change your life. She’s ready to help!