Friday, June 11, 2010
Passive aggressive is a term which is not very commonly known by people because letting out aggression or anger in a passive way is not something that people think actually exists. Most people consider anger is something that can be let out only by shouting, yelling or may be through physical violence. However, this is not true and most of us may have come across people with passive aggressive people sometimes in our lives, without actually realizing it.
This is because the passive aggressive person shows a charming and interested personality which hides their actual nature. It is easy to get attracted to them. Even if they are reserved and silent, it gives them an aura of misteriousness that is exciting for some women.
When the moment comes, they let out their anger in a passive and tactful manner, so confusing that the wife starts thinking that the problem is actually with her. This can be truly frustrating for the woman and more over, making her feel crazy.
In our culture many people are told that it is wrong to show anger openly and though they finally learn to do this, they find other ways to let out that anger which are more subtle. We don't know how many people are trained in doing the passive aggressive communication style, but it is becoming prevalent in marriage and in workplaces.
The passive aggressive man is a person who has the fear of depending on others. Though he wants to be in a relationship, he does not want to be totally dependent on that person. Due to this, he tries to control the other person in an indirect way. Actually, he does not like to be alone and at the same time, does not want to compromise on his independence.
Due to this duality, he also rejects intimacy as well as sharing his true thoughts with his partner. He thinks that once his partner knows what is going on in his mind, he will become vulnerable. Hence, though he projects himself as a loving and caring husband, he will find a way to be away from you. For instance, the moment he thinks that he is getting closer to you, he will do something to go away from you like may be abstaining from sex by making false excuses.
You might want to stay and teach this person how to recognize his feelings and how to communicate better. However, one thing every woman must understand is that it is not an easy task to change a person's deep character and attitude. Counseling your husband can be effective in bringing a change in him, only if he realizes and accepts that there is some problem with him.
Nevertheless, if you do not find any difference in your husband's attitude and do not think he is likely to change, it will be best to find legal separation to save yourself from the emotional trauma of living with a man who you are not able to connect emotionally with.