Thursday, July 22, 2010
How much do you need to be needed?
Humans have social needs....at the least, we all need to engage in some kind of relationship with others, to develop and grow.
Because we all have human needs: basically we need to look at both spouses' reciprocal needs for love and connection.
Some people displaying passive aggressive behaviors are also trying to satisfy their needs for love and connection...but given their ambivalence they need someone to be there, with them, as their object of love but also as the object of their hidden hostility.
Because they have developed a toxic image of what a relationship is while growing up, now try to duplicate the kind of relationship they learned before, this time with another person, with themselves playing the controlling role. As an individual, he needs to pick up a woman who will agree to be on the receiving end of his disowned anger, so he can play out the only dynamics he knows, the one from his childhood...
He needs a good, intelligent adversary to provide him with expectations and demands he will then be able to resist and warp, as he plays the interpersonal routine he learned with his first family. Why do you need to experience this kind of treatment is beyond this posting, but something that really needs examining in depth.
Once initiated the relationship, he then needs to frustrate you a little bit every day, building up in you a pattern of frustration so high that eventually you get to express the anger that he has been repressing all his life.
Why is it that you are in this kind of relationship? Well, for openers, some women have a higher need to be needed. Being needed is a confirmation of our own worth, we have been told....right?
Interesting? Please, continue reading about this tale of passive aggressive behaviors!