Always wondered how the personal experience of a passive aggressive marriage feels like?
We have produced a survey with Ten Questions to Ask Women Married to PA Husbands...and here is one of the answers....Here is the link:
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE HUSBAND
Perhaps you are feeling inspired to write and share your own answers? Totally anonymous? Why not, right? You have earned the right to tell your own story!
Here is the survey!
If you are actually making it through a passive aggressive relationship, whether you are married or with a partner, I would appreciate hearing from you. From what I’ve seen you’re not the norm.
Over all, one question I have is do you feel he/she was honest when you started dating, or do you feel like they “tricked” you?
1) How long did it take for you to realize his/her idea of sharing a marriage was different than yours? that he/she was on another wavelength? What was your “aha” moment?
What or how did you feel about that?
2) Why do you think this man/woman is in your life? Do you think it was “an act of God” or something in him/her triggered something in you?
Can you link a trait in you or in him/her that attracted you strongly enough to marry him/her?
3) How did you deal with the mismatch between your ideal marriage and what you got? was there a learning process?
4) What would you say is the worst aspect of being involved with a passive aggressive partner/spouse is? (anger, loneliness, ?) When do you feel it the most?
5) Of all the strategies you’ve tried to change their passive aggressive behavior or your situation, which was the most useful? What was the silliest?
6) If you’re planning on staying with this passive aggressive partner/spouse, how do you see your own personal development in the future?
7) Do you think you have some special powers to deal with him/her, some special understanding? What “powers” or understanding would that be?
8 ) And what about your needs? how do you feed your needs for love and connection, for recognition and for continuous personal growth?
9) What is his/her weakest aspect, the one that endears him/her to you (and possibly makes you stay to help him/her, or makes you feel guilty about leaving).
10) What about the future? How do you see old age for the two of you? What about you if he/she continues to frustrate some of your present needs now? How are you going to replace what he/she is not providing for the shared life of you two?
Once you have your responses, you can post them here, as a comment, or send them in an email to: neil@passiveaggresive.com
1 comment:
1. It took me about 4 years to realize that my husband and I weren't on the same page in our marriage. I felt like nothing I said or did got through to him, and I felt invisible to him. I often felt abandoned and ignored, and like there was no hope for compromise. I started therapy.
2. I believe God has a purpose in bringing us together. I felt he was the man God chose for me. I felt safe with him when we were dating because he seemed so gentle, thoughtful, and sweet. He let me do as I pleased for the most part, and I wanted that kind of freedom.
3. There was definitely a process in my coming to terms with what I hoped for in my marriage versus what I could expect. I believe I'm basically on my own, even when I ask my husband for help, support, and encouragement. He doesn't seem to be able to help me when I ask.
4. The worst aspect is his unwillingness to take action to guard his family from outside influences that are stressful and/or threatening. He seems oblivious to our real needs. I just feel alone.
5. The most useful strategy I employ daily is calmness coupled with repetition when I communicate. The silliest has been being PA to get even with him, which only made me feel like a sullen toddler.
6. I basically see myself finding alternative ways of getting my needs met. I will continue to remain emotionally detached and practice calm observation and verbal repetition. I'll wait and see if he wakes up and realizes I'm here.
7. I have special understanding of my husband's passive aggression and how his family works to maintain their status quo. I am quiet and unreactive when I interact with them; they seem like very frustrated people.
8. Right now, I have a lot of friends that I see often to talk to and spend time with. We all appreciate and bear with one another, and this keeps me from losing hope. If we were to move or I were to fall ill, I would only have Christ.
9. My husband's weaknesses do not endear him to me. His strengths and his love of the Lord comfort me. I stay married because I believe there is a reason marriage is forever, and my happiness may not be the most important goal.
10. I assume old age will bring familiarity and routine. That will be enough. My relationship with God will have to be ultimately what fulfills me. There are many people who do without companionship, a home, safety, even food, etc. Life is pretty simple.
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