Passive Aggressive Husband in action!

I have found a wonderful list of expected passive aggressive behaviors, especially focused on the Thanksgiving dinner experience, described at

http://padontstandforpaloalto.wordpress.com/

If you want more information about your passive aggressive boyfriend, please visit our other blog.

You have been following my postings, or Neil's postings, posting your own comments live, and starting a conversation in the blog passiveaggressivehusband.com well beyond what we had anticipated.

This is the proof of the need to have a more personal conversation on the issues of passive aggression.

Now, we have news for you!

We will have a live Teleseminar, to ask questions and get answers about the issues of living with a passive aggressive person.

You will have the opportunity to ask your question, listen to the answers, type your comments and in general, share a supportive environment with other people in the same situation.

I will be there, offering my best strategies to improve your life.

Please, feel free to ask anything, we will provide advice and support to all of you there. We have already several good questions to talk about!

Please, go to this link,

http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/ask

and fill up your question. You will receive a confirmation email, with the information necessary to participate in this FREE online seminar.

Just now, save this date:

DATE: Tuesday, November 24th 2009
TIME: 4pm Pacific Time / 7pm Eastern Time

Waiting to see you there, and sending you all our love and support!

Nora Femenia
Creative Conflict Resolutions

PD: Remember that you need to go here to include your question!

http://passiveaggressivehusband.com/ask

We are waiting for your response!

Creative Conflict Resolutions, 3415 Galt Ocean Drive, Fort Lauderdale, Florida 33308, USA

Living With a Passive Aggressive Husband

Is your husband passive aggressive? The funny thing about a passive aggressive husband is that they don’t really act in an an angry manner, but they act out in different ways. While an aggressive husband may take out their anger by yelling or even hitting, the passive aggressive husband attacks his wife in an underhanded, indiret way.

A passive aggressive husband is angry, but instead of expressing his anger directly, he rebels in a more subtle way. Examples of this are constantly “forgetting” to pick up something at the store for you, secretly sabotaging your efforts, unreliability, and fault finding.

Passive aggressive husbands will seldom settle disagreements with their wives, leaving the wife feeling frustrated and empty. Because of this the wife often avoids conflict with him, since nothing is ever settled anyway. It is important to pick your fights wisely, however, shying away from confrontation, will only make things worse. Identify which behaviors bother you the most, and speak to him about it.

Sit down with your husband and try setting some agreements with him. Remember, this is not a time to argue. If he starts getting upset, take some time to cool off before starting the conversation again. A passive aggressive husband almost never makes a decision on his own. They want you to be the decision maker so if anything goes wrong, you are to blame. Perhaps you can encourage your husband to make more decisions on his own, by letting him know that you made your own decision and his decision will not change yours. This projects an image of you being able to do your life without being paralyzed by his inaction, but it has some costs.

The passive aggressive husband always will portray himself as the victim of your actions and decisions. The reason for this is because he wants people to feel sorry for him. He most likely has low self esteem himself, which is why he takes so much out on you. To stop this behavior, repeat that whatever he is doing, its his own decision and not yours. You preserve the right to decide on your own life; so you are ready to do things on your own. Speak this position to him in a calm, matter of fact way and see the impact on him. He can stay home and sulk or be resentful, but you will begin to do the things you like.

In a marriage you always have a choice. Changing a passive aggressive husband is a difficult project where you have more to lose if you get too emotionally involved with him even if this mean that you need to reevaluate your feelings for him.

"Forgetfulness" by a Passive Aggressive Spouse

I’d like you to meet Tim and Jane. Outwardly, Tim appears happy, agreeable, and obliging. But when Jane asks Tim to do something for her, things never seem to get done properly, or sometimes get done at all. When Jane asks Tim to pick up the dry cleaning on the way home, he forgets. When she asks Tim to help tidy up the living room, he does such a poor job that Jane ends up doing it all herself. Why does this always happen? Tim always says he’ll do it, but very rarely does he ever follow through.

Does this sound familiar? Then you may be dealing with a passive aggressive spouse. The passive aggressive spouse is angry inside, but is unable, or unwilling to share his feelings with his spouse in an upfront manner. As a result, he takes out his frustrations on his wife in a passive way.

A common sign of passive aggressiveness is a spouse that is constantly forgetting to do things. Just as Tim forgets to get the dry cleaning, or forgets to clean the living room, the passive aggressive spouse will say “sure, I’ll do it,” but in the end, he will deliberately lose sight of what he had just agreed to do. This forgetfullness may seem innocent at first, but eventually it will grow into a routine with the ability to destroy a marriage.

This pattern of passive aggressiveness often begins in childhood. Think of what happens when you ask a child to put away their toys. The child will say yes, but instead procrastinates, starts playing with something else, and ignores what he should be doing. Before you know it, an hour has passed an not a single toy has been put away. While this is acceptable behavior for a child, it is not acceptable for the pattern to continue into adulthood.

If your spouse is frequently "forgetting" to do things, you may want to consider that it is passive aggressive behavior. What do you do next? It depends of the relationship, the time you have been married to him (the longer the time, the more resistant to changes he will be) and of your needs to really have his support...

More information on this kind of passive aggression and its impact on marriages can be found on our blog.