Monday, March 01, 2010
BASICS OF PA BEHAVIOR
REMEMBERING THE BASIC DINAMICS OF PASSIVE AGGRESSION
If there is a lot of hidden aggression in his interactions with you, and you don't see it coming, you will be presented with some painful situations.
You can have your loved one:
• Eternally making excuses to avoid his routine family obligations;
• Performing a task so slowly and inefficiently that you decide to do it;
• Always complaining of being unappreciated while doing less and less;
• Showing a permanent pessimistic mood, even when all is going well;
• Making attempts at humor mixed with hurtful put downs and sarcasm toward you;
• Agree with you in private, then go out and side with others against you.
If passive-aggression is “crazy-making behavior,” which is its target? Of course it is your self-esteem! You, the perplexed person on the receiving end, already engaged with a passive aggressive husband or boyfriend, who doesn't know if she is loved or hated or both at the same time.....
You are so confused by his double message, (the contradiction between what he says and what he does), that you feel like screaming while he remains calm.
Women are supposed to use low voices and avoid shouting, and if you do, it suddenly seems like you are the aggressor!!! After several episodes of this routine, you end up believing this yourself. Then you are ready to apologize to him to end the discussion, and recover some peace....
The combined impact of these two behaviors will eventually wreck your relationship. Passive-aggression played in earnest, as if you were his enemy and not his partner, will eventually cripple any relationship, and especially an intimate one, where both have to trust and depend on each other to be safe and prosper.
If he continues the denial of his feelings of affection and connection with you, he will prevent the development of true intimacy and trust. Now, you are alone, because who wants to live with a person they can’t trust?
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